Detergent Sculpture Epiphany

So, I'm seeing, yet again, the most unlikely events reminding me to make no assumptions. And yet again, it's the little ones who are the teachers. We had a young couple from Paris check in to Bloomfield House to spend a week in Bath. She was an international development specialist who had been working in the White House and had already managed a PhD in philosophy by the age of 21. He was a digital media engineer between jobs and contemplating his next career move. They were very bright and very exacting. The American half of her family were huge in Texan oil and they were used to the world's best hotels, with uniformed flunkies ready to jump at the slightest raising of a disapproving eyebrow.

On Day One Monsieur lodged two complaints: the shower in their room, he said, wasn't operating powerfully enough for his liking and, despite our assurance on the hotel's website, he couldn't access the wi-fi broadband in his room. I called the plumber and then our IT consultants and arranged for both problems to be solved that afternoon. The complaints were dealt with promptly but I felt I had to resign myself to a week of high maintenance and stress.

That evening I joined our male Parisian guest on the terrace while he enjoyed a smoke. As we talked, I suddenly spotted, horror of horrors, that the children had, once again, poured detergent into the fountain and, directly behind him, it was pushing out great clouds of foamy bubbles. I was sure that, the minute he turned around there would be an explosion of anger at such unprofessional hoteliership.

'MON DIEU, WHAT 'AS 'APPENED TO YOUR FOUNTAIN?' he bellowed as, inevitably, he turned and spotted the disaster. I explained in my stumbling French that it was impossible to tame five small pranksters and waited for him to summon his wife for a hasty, indignant and premature check-out.

'Zees ees ze sort of thing zat 'appens when you are surrounded by children!' he went on. Eet ees absoluement beautiful. We 'ave been talking of starting a family for some time. I would like to take home with me a photograph of zees magnifique miracle and place it on the wall as an inspiration to my wife and myself!'

Monsieur et Madame spent much of the rest of the week in the company of our children and at one point threatened to smuggle six-year-old old Claudia out of the country to their next destination: their second home in New York. I don't think this happens at the Ritz or the George Cinq.

I look forward to hearing news of their firstborn baby - who knows, it may have been conceived at Bloomfield House...

Current score on Advanced Customer Relationship Management - Kids: 201; Dad: Nil.